shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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