At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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