What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
