Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
