we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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