he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
