Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
my liver is dry heaving
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize