You're so nebulous sometimes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
