Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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