His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
