why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
