So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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