somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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