Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
