After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
