Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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