I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
