I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
