the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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