Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
