the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
