he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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