Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
