So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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