she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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