I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
