but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
