So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
