My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
