He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
