i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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