your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
