Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
