Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
