Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
