Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
