Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
