Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
