it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
