I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
