this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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