smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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