I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize