I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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