After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just found puke in my bra..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
