My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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