Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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