No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
