No subtext here. People are naked.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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