There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
