i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
