Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
