ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
