I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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