I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize