I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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