I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
