your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
