and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
