Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
