I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
