Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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