my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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