Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Vodka?
Forever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize