Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
