Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
