and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
smell my finger.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
