Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
