My liver just broke up with me...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
