My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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