you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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